Dear friends,

It is now more than 20 years ago since I first started working with dog loving persons.

Over the years I felt very privileged because I could learn how to really understand dogs and how to really communicate with them.Now I am able to say that I understand dogs and they understand me. However I still notice how many people have trouble understanding what the calm assertive energy of a real pack leader is. I see the absence of the leader-energy being reflected in the words many clients use.

For my clients I see myself as the interpreter of what dogs are telling me, each time I translate the canine message in human languages. What I read in the body language of dogs is always true.

That is why it is, according to me, so easy to understand dogs.

By the way, what you read in my body language and what I read in yours is, according to me, also more accurate than what we say with words.

My work with dogs and their handlers still fascinates me very much because the more I teach the more I learn.

It took quite a while before I could understand the real meaning of some words used by my clients. Today I think that many words are being used, not in order to clearly communicate our thoughts, but in order to create a smoke screen. For that reason I started translating a few peculiar words that are being used by many clients and pupils. By translating words like “normally”, usually”, “generally”, and “sometimes” for my clients I can explain what they really mean for me.
If someone tells me that the dog “normally comes” when called, “usually listens”, “generally” picks up the ball and “sometimes” does not pull on the leash, it means to me that the dog is responding when SHE wants and not respecting the client as her pack leader.

But the most damaging word of all creates in us an enormous amount of shame and guilt. It is according to me the word SHOULD.

As I keep on hearing so many people using it, I want to explain what it means to me.

The violent word SHOULD, which we commonly use to evaluate ourselves, is so deeply ingrained in our consciousness that many of us would have trouble imagining how to live without it. It is the word SHOULD, as used in sentences like:

“I should have known better”,
“I should not have done that”,
“I should take more Schuessler minerals”,
“I should learn how to deal with my dog”,
“I should train more with my dog”,
“I should give up smoking”,
“I should exercise more”, etc….

Most of the time when we use SHOULD, we resist learning, because SHOULD implies we have no choice. Human beings, when hearing any kind of demand, tend to resist because a demand threatens our autonomy and our strong need for choice. We have this reaction to any kind of tyranny even when it is a demand coming from the internal dictator called “SHOULD”.

Humans keep saying “I SHOULD” and keep resisting doing what they should, because we were not meant to be slaves. We also were not meant to succumb to dictators called “I SHOULD” or “I HAVE TO”, whether this dictator lives in a palace in the capital city or inside of ourselves.

“SHOULD” is a very damaging word, because when we say it, we are in effect saying “I AM WRONG”. Saying “I SHOULD” we are punishing ourselves. I think we do not need more “wrongs” in our life and we do not need to punish ourselves.

What we need is more freedom of choice and more love in our lives.

Do you want an immediate solution?

The solution I propose is to replace “I SHOULD” with a sentence like

“IF I REALLY WANTED TO, I COULD…”.

Here are some examples:

“If I really wanted to, I could take Schuessler minerals”.

“If I really wanted to, I could learn how to deal with my dog.”

“If I really wanted to, I could stop smoking/eating junk food/drinking too much alcohol/ taking drugs…”

Do you see how you have a choice when you use this kind of sentence instead of saying “I should”?

If you really want to do something, you CAN do it, or NOT do it.

Now it is your decision to do it or not do it.

And it will be your responsability to do it or not do it.

Try it out.

You will soon see how it positively influences your life and the life of your dog.

From Bruno with love.

Recommended reading
“Nonviolent Communication. A language of life” by Marshall B. Rosenberg
“You can heal your life” by Louise L. Hay